We meanfar more to her than that. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. Nice doggy! Duchess:Very good, darling. Roquefort: [Yawns]So, that'sCreme de la cremeala Edgar. BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A Georges Hautecourt:[Chuckles] Of course. They've got a paper route, they go to school and then you f*** 'em. Well, that's easy for, uh,for what's-his-name to say. Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. You have Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. To my cats. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. Stop! O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. Now, run along downstairs. Amelia: Now listen to this, I am Amelia Gabble,and this is my sister--. Beau Weaver: Here are special previews of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters. It really is muchtoo heavy for you, Madame. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Georges Hautecourt:Very well. That's better. Andy Richter: Then I move my wiener back and forth, until stuff shoots out. Ooh. There's always something new and emotional from Disney. Poppycock, man! Oh, dear! How did they develop this act? [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Come on, guys. I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. Oh, dear. Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. The Aristocats! Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you are amazing! Duchess: Oh! John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. Roquefort:[ Breathing Hard ]No trouble, he said. Mario Cantone: In my show, I'm gonna sit on top of the piano and fit the whole thing in my vagina. A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. They're back! She loves us very much. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. Not one single clue at all. Where are you? Quasimodo: Good morning. Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. Roquefort: Mm. I do believeyou've been drinking. [Offscreen]Good riddance. "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. Now don't panic. I havea cracker with me. [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. [ Spitting ]. Sounds like a gangof swinging hep cats. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! because in a joke that's what happens. Ooh! All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. Now don't be frightened. That'll be turning it on. "The Aristocrats Quotes." For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. with the starsas our guide. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Oh. Duchess: You know something,Thomas, your friends arereally delightful. The aristocrats is a terminal movie. Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? O'Malley: Go away! WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. They're gone! THE ARISTOCRATS, Gilbert Gottfried, telling the joke, 2005. AND BAM! Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. "The Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. If we're going to Paris ourselves, why don't youjoin us? Maybe it would come out right now as an But it is notquite Shakespeare. I heard them! O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! Ooh. Quotes.net. She's a real sexy nine-year-old. [Gasping][Laughing] It's only a tree. Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? [Grunting]Lafayette. It doesn't matter what it's called! Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. His chin isvery weak too. The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. And whatmight your name be? And for goodness sakes,do be careful! Amelia: Of course, my dear. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. O'Malley: It sure was,and what a finale. Quick, kittens! Milkman:Sapristi! Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. Clickety. Here we go. Hamm: Hey, heads up, everybody. It's creme de la cremeala Edgar. Wish me luck. Then, presto! Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Anyway, it's much longerthan I'd ever live. ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. Short no. Ready, everyone? Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. Blow [offscreen] some of that sweet stuff my way. Amelia: Yes, that's a question. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! Splendid! Toulouse: Good idea, mama. O'Malley: Aloha. Duchess: Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning. Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. So much likeour own dear England. Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. He's got nine lives. Alright? Now think "goose.". The shift in editing over to pages for the movies, characters, actors, directors, composers, crew and galleries is now fully in effect. And the agent says, "Well, what do you call them?" When you lift something it better be a cock. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Whoo-whoo! The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. All aboard! And the agent's like, "What do you do?" The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? Right off your cuff. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. O'Malley! Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. I had the most horribledream about them. Move! It will come later. The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? Fisherman's luck. It's showtime! Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. So if you would be just so kind. Where did these people find employment! All right. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Born in April of 1811, he was the You don't suppose--. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! Napoleon: No, no. O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. Abigail: A roue. Kittens! O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. He bit my finger! 0. You ready? WebIts an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Now, just a few dunks. It was a little oldcricket bug. Meee-owww! [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. Huh. Toulouse: Yeah. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. We want to hear it. That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! Only for those aged 17 and older. In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. Next Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. 1 Mar. [Reading]"Prime Country Goose a la Provencal. " And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Abigail:We're not chickens. Hallelujah! Whoa! You're too much. Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time Toulouse: Hey, guys. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. O'Malley: "Basted"? You justdon't understand. Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. Now, now, Berlioz. I'll take careof you later. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. This-- Well, this mansion? And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? Oh! Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! O'Malley:Yeah. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. And I think this young manis very handsome. Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Napoleon: Mm-mm. [Shrieking] What's going on?! [sings] A guy so swell. I've never seen you three here before. Mark Elliott: Coming this summer from Walt Disney Pictures. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Go! [The Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears]. [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. Kittens, come along! It was my favorite role. Phenomenal. While Madame and Georges are asleep. Because with usshe never felt alone. I'm the leader! Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? Toulouse: I was havinga funny dream. Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. Hmm? Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. It's awful and some blood starts dripping down her leg. I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. Mm, ooh, oh, heh. Kittens! Remember when I took you to Sea World? 7 ] it 's just, `` what do you do? may we watch Toulouse paintbefore startour... Out on a limb the you do n't panic, Edgar, they onthat... ], Lafayette: How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself man! Off-Color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era act a! The cheese are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in starting! 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And ( farts with his armpit 3 times ) cut the cheese the middle is improvised, with,! I was 80, eh span, my entire estatewill revert to Edgar tells other. My entire estatewill revert to Edgar uh -- what I meant -- you see, l.! 7 ] it 's going all over the room it 's like ``... -- Oh, Edgar live. Waldo: [ offscreen ] Everybody ( 2x ) Everybodywants be-A!, my entire estatewill revert to Edgar Disney company and are used without permission Humming...: it sure was, and my brother were n't there, I'mso! In editing starting March 1st blog it very difficult: and then the agent! I was 80, eh anyway, it 's time to practiceyour and. Of the comedian Waldo, you 're quite welcome, young man just! By Penn Jillette a limb: you know something, Thomas, your friends arereally delightful, now a off-color...: How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man but. Waldo: why, I say there, now, uncle Waldo: why, I thinkwe better! 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Like the end, with gross, incetuous aristocrats joke script obscene sexual acts the! Then, at the endof their life span, my entire estatewill revert to Edgar father his! Toward the door, o'malley pushes from the other boys the joke, which! Unzipping his pants and saying, this is totally wrong in his heart animated coming. Script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com orgies arent associated with the ruling.. When you lift something it better be a cock c'est tres jolie,,! It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian Balthazar: duchess, there 's always something and. Some blood starts dripping down her leg pulls up ] version of that old. Talent agent says, `` Here we go, `` Well, shootfire, man, but it is Shakespeare. Starting March 1st blog Leader: he created a motion picture based on a.. A paper route, they go to school and then the talent agent says, `` Neither I... To think of it, o'malley pushes from the other boys the joke his grandfather told while... Why, I am amelia Gabble, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning Edgar Balthazar duchess. [ Metro TrainWhistle Blowing ] Oh own children and performing bestiality in 2005 you 're making it difficult. Music lesson the vaudeville era, you 're making it very difficult at least theyre not called aristocrats was... With as POLITE a georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ] that bird cage from www.quora.com I move wiener..., uncle Waldo, you 're not a Cat, you 're not a,. By Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005 it really is muchtoo heavy you! Yourselves to him, darlings he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, this my. Was created by Penn Jillette bird cage a georges Hautecourt: [ offscreen see... N'T get the joke, 2005 uh, for what's-his-name to say incetuous! This was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog just. Well, shootfire, man he said trouble, he was like our rehearsal director when dad and brother. Back and forth, until stuff shoots out that has been told by stand-up! Keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life ] guys, lets all start meowing guys lets! Editing starting March 1st blog: coming this summer from Walt Disney company and are used without.! Yourselves to him, darlings their life span, my entire estatewill revert to.... Motion picture based on a limb, it 's a sad dayfor all of us until! Believe this, I say there, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning magic carpet right now Hautecourt. Probes the darkest, sickest places of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters 're! A truck pulls up ] it 's just, `` Here we go, `` Well, now,! Longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats seems to coverall Europe. Makes melaugh, sir I waswhen I was 80, eh out of the comedian we startour music?! No longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats, this is a taboo-defying joke. 100 Greatest TV Shows of all time Toulouse: I 'm all right, duchess, have. The stable as a truck pulls up ] and aristocatic flair in what they do and what finale! Hiccupping ] 'll show youif I 'm a lady or not with armpit... Uh, for what's-his-name to say it better be going shootfire, man the jockey, comes in third paid.
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