You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. But it is a natural and normal development for a child who has bonded tightly with his mom (or parents). So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. please help im worried that she might endup hating him. So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . I feel like why I didnt die when she was born. But it is by no means too late. Please help me to know what is the problem? And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. When my daughter was 7 months old I left for bootcamp, kind of my last resort I was a teen mom and couldnt get a job and had no money and the military provided us a secure future, but now I regret it. Hang in there! Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. Feed your milk to your baby. And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. That is sick and the real mother should move out and seek help from friends and family. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. Am a single mum living with my parents. Just being honest with you. Can someone please advise me on what to do? (It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). Im going to perservere and not let her see that she can control me in this way. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. Both my husband and I made it a consistent schedule just for her.When connection is bad, we utilizd the phone and made a very short international call where he wd talk 2her and we get to sing our song together. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! What happened? Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. Most nursing strikes are over, with the baby back to breastfeeding, within two to four days. Also remind yourself over and over again, that your daughters ability to bond with and socialize with more that one person is a healthy sign of her being secure and developing mentally. Thank you very much for the clarifications. Cafemom wanted a detailed truth about returning to work after having a baby. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. If I hold him, he wriggles and cries to get away. Seems it starts around this age. And 4those who is far away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. Trying to raise a 1 year old is impossible. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. Help . in the morning when she wakes up, she doesnt even smile at me anymore. After reading all of your stories, I am much more motivated to keep trying to connect with my daughter. as soon as she hears my moms voice or her caretaker, she would perk up and try to crawl to them, not wanting me to hold her anymore. Its the school holidays now and its like even though im spending more time with him, there are times he prefers his grandma. Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. Im totally on the same boat as all of you(s)! Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. Can you please help? Depending on the babys age and who she has been around the most, one parent or the other will be the preferred one. More Like This when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. (cross-post with Working Moms) I go back to work in a week and my 2.5 month old daughter refuses to take bottles. She even goes to our maid servent and she is so happy if she sees her. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. Is my life set for me, and I meant to be rejected by everyone. Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. He does, I know. (, the milestones of a 1 month old baby here, 7-Month-Old Baby Sensitive To Loud Sounds Reasons & Remedies, My 1 Year 3 Month Baby Cant Talk or Walk? People do crazy things in separations. His dad loves him but truly has done 15% of all that I do for the baby (feed, clean, entertain, Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! It kills me and its making me resent her so much. Really make sure that you put away all your worried, frustrated feelings when interacting with your daughter. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. I have not seen the same reaction for me. Take heart, dear parents. I am just grateful to know this happens in other cases. There isnt anything I wouldnt do for her. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. Continue to do things alone with your boy that is an excellent way to maintain a good relationship even when he has become an older kid, teenager and adult. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. Try to not show any hurt feelings if she goes to her grandma; she obviously isnt doing it to hurt you and may become quite confused if she can sense your irritation when it happens. It might happen out of the blue, after a new baby, or even while you're pregnant. Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. Your mother is totally taking over and you need to talk to her and if she wont listen then talk to a family member and ask if they can have a word with her with you. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. I have watched them interact from a distance and she smiles, dances, and plays with him. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. However, I am so worried that my initial sadness has somehow rubbed off on him and he would rather be with anyone else but me. Pls help. Hold your baby skin to skin, and keep your baby close. The only way I will not have any regrets is to keep inserting myself into my daughters life and routine continue to play, love, cuddle, feed, bathe, read to and hug her every chance I get. Dont worry. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. Maybe worth trying for you too? Bonding can start at any time, even at 15 months old, even though it can take a bit longer to establish at that point. i also wrote here several months ago. XOXO, Paula. i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. Praise your wife when she manages to be cool about it it isnt easy! If you are off balance, she might notice and you thereby reinforce the rejection. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! But they arent helping your relationship with your child. So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. thanks for listening to my views. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around. well, its not. My concern would be if s/he was not bonding with ANYONE, that would indicate a different problem altogether. So I came online, and read this entire thread. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). by | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub Weekends too. I really hope this was at least a little bit of help. Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. You can also make sure your baby finishes one breast before . Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! He will go to my parents or my husband before he would come to me. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. With more time spent doing other things (or doing nothing), you are more likely to be able to stay calm, be patient and so one when she is putting up a fight. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. You may be feeling a range of emotions about being away from your baby, all while getting used to a new daily routine that might involve busier mornings, daycare drop . Is there any consensus from developmental professionals on why babies reject their moms? Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. I am in the same position yet I do not work. have lost joy in the time with my other son I feel like I just resent him and my husband for being able to make him happy. But he just doesnt seem to need me. Take her outside! What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. I often wonder if it was like a viscious circle: he didnt want me, I got upset, he didnt want to be around me because I was upset, which made me more upset, which made him even less inclined to be around me and so on and so on. After reading all of your stories, i wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right of. 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